SLUTWALK

SlutWalk

We are generally a bunch of people who are stereotyped not to associate with certain words including isitabane, Pride Parade and prostitute and more. A slut is used by men mostly to demean or violate a sexual charged woman. It is also used by patriarchal society who assumes that women can’t define their sexual wants like man.  It is in that box that we lose our selves based on the belief system and the use of language to paralyze our being as women. It is in those names or words that we tend loose context and an understanding of the meaning of such. For me it will be like asking is it ok to be part of Pride?

SlutWalk is an international event as a result of an officer who said that women who dress like sluts will get raped because they looked for it. I am of the view that men think in that way of women. And yet butch lesbians still get raped dressed appropriately. As a result, women from all over the world had to go on the streets to share that they are who they are at the time dressed or dressed at all. No one has a right to take away the bodies without their permission.

I would go to those events because I am a woman, who appreciates her presents without being defined by a man. My body is mine to use to pleasure me at my own expense.  I would like for men to know that if slut is a term as described above, I can be a slut without prejudice , if they are sluts too, at my own space and time and being without fear of my slutishness  being associated with what I am, NOT.

So every year with my daughters and nieces, we will wear “appropriate” with a placard that reads. I AM A WO-MAN, LET ME BE A WHOW MAN.

Why do women who love women love the way they do

This discusion is as the result of  Diopelo Thefirstlady King  of Friends of the closets  And her question Why are we dating other women? Especially the ones who have been with guys before,what caused the cross pathing? And why do we use toys.

The first being when is the best time to discover their sexuality, what gets a woman to realize that they are attracted to women, is it possible that a woman can have a sexual shift form men to woman, and woman to men? Do women who once dated men use toys as a substitute for penis satisfactions?

My response:  Amazing enough, what differentiates a homo from hetero is the sexual orientation.  However recent research is confirming that there is more than sexual orientation to how homos are crafted. In an article Wired This Way by  It is translating that  some male homos are born with personality traits that are supposedly feminine e.g nurturing. That we are born with it.  The only journey that you learn alone is your sexual journey.  You are groomed into religions. Our culture becomes the way of our being, and traditions tend to be embodied into our femininity.  We are born with different backgrounds, cultures and religions. At best our background deduces a people we become later. For most people sexual awareness happens later in their teens, when they become aware of sexual sensations. It is in this sensations when u discover that you are attracted to the opposite sex, or same sex. But again it is not until you have experienced either sex that you are able to honestly say I am truly satisfied with my sexuality.

Becoming aware of our feelings?

What gets a person to realize that she is attracted to another. It is awareness. When do we become aware of our feelings? Some women are lucky to be aware of lesbianism at a tender age, in that way they don’t have to waste time and energy on men. (LOL). It is in that identity that they are able to associate their sexuality with common norms, hence butch or femme, or tomboy for that matter. Some do not have the luxury of finding their sexuality. The culture and norms become their reality. Based on sex, that is female. You will be expected to be groomed to be female, and get married to a man, and have kids cos that is expected of you. Because being a lesbian is unhead of, in those communities, even if it is heard of it is not a norm, we find ourselves complying cos it is expected of us to. And is she is lucky to be aware at worst it is too late to change the norm, there are kids involved and not just kids, but husbands and the bigger society. That they would rather not have complicated in their Facebook status.

Is it possible for a woman to shift from man to woman, and woman to man?

Yes it is. The only way to be sure of your feeling and sexual gratification is through exploring. How else can you be sure that you are what you are unless, you taste. Because we are a judging society we tend to assume that bisexuality is done by greedy men and women. And yet it could be that the offering of each experience are different, and satisfying on its own. We will never know the sensations of the

bisexual, unless we are in their space. Can a lesbian woman have a bit of both. Our society tends to undermine lesbian liquidity, circumstances and the energy we carry as and when we engage other beings. For those who are fine with it, they can honestly share that like a choice in wishing for beef or chicken. We have our choices. Also we must note the cultural pressures and economic dependencies for some  “lesbian wonna be”. We can’t judge them even if they are depilating our stock.

Do women who once dated men use toys as a substitute for penis satisfactions?

I am sure that is stereotyping. It is lack of awareness more than anything. Men and women use toys, not to substitute their sexuality but to enhance it. Toys are made to be played with, to titillate where hands and penises can’t. And to be embraced by both sexes. Until I used my hand, I never thought it was possible to gratify and be gratified by another. I have actually sent my hand for electro tesing just to check the sensation on my fingers, and how that impacts on the nervous system and my sexual gratification

I am humbled.

My Trip To Drankesberg Lesbian Camp……

My Trip To Drankesberg Lesbian Camp……
PART1
I had a wonderful, wonderful time. My gratitude goes to Bibi King, very hospitable. You would have sworn that she owns the place.  She was able to welcome us at 01H00 Saturday in the morning. She made sure we are all sorted with accommodation. I expected it to be the biggest event ever, with loads and loads of tents. I was disappointed by the turnout. Elsa the owner said this was the first Women Only Event that she has hosted. She hopes that one day there will be a bridge that divided the lesbian colors in the country. She went on to quote Steve Biko that “until we find the common ground we would have not find the bigger purpose to fight the common enemy”. She went all out in putting together the event. I doubt if it was profitable. I hope though that she does not give up yet. Nevertheless, it was a very intimate most multiracial lesbian camp in the country so far, I do lots of lesbian camps.

When camping, I normally have a list of things to take with to the camps. I learned over years that camping is about survival. You go in with basic survival kit. So it is important that you have everything well thought of including what you will be wearing and the weather possibilities to. I had a drafted list. I had the tinniest tent that I have taken with to Cape Town Lesbian Camp last year in some exclusive venue near Robertson.  You will need a torch and a locker.  I had meat, rolls, salad leaves,  coctail tomatoes, onions, spices and sauces in a cooler bag. For breakfast I brought two bowls, WheatBix  and a little sugar bowl. I also brought picnic backpack with wine glasses, plates and cutlery. I also brought a salad bowl, and serving spoons.

 On the contrary, I did not need to bring half what I took with. The place is a backpacker’s haven. I was worried though that the food might rot. Only to learn that they actually have fridges where campers can store their goods.  Most of the basic necessities are provided for, including the potjie pots. Had I known, I would have cooked up a storm. I have been told I cook the best potjie by my circles of friends.  

It makes sense why it is called the Amphitheatre Backpackers, it is in between mountains. You would swear gods above were watching lesbian theater performance below.  It lies 24kms in Bergville, just below the Drankensberg Mountains.  It also makes sense that the wind is so strong to blow the tents away. For a travelled camper, it would be important to find shelter closer to the bungalows so that the house structures protect the tents.  I picked up a good spot, cos in the morning I was waken up by a Grey Loerie cleaning its nest pertched at grassroof top of the bungalow. Not for a minute was my tent blown away. Wel,l not unless by orgasmic shakes of incidents that might have happened in there.  The owner Elsa told me that her biggest market is the international backpackers.  When I asked how the travelers find themselves at the place so far far away. Her response was Baz Bus lives Jozi and Pretoria daily to Bergville, at reasonable amount all the time.

 We had a world child called Marie Claire whose home is a bag. One tends to wonder what happened that she is always on the move. She was on her way to India and she was in Brazil before being in South Africa. I was continuously amused by her shoeless feet, wearing ankle bangles. When I later asked her what was she about. She was able to tell about her journey of being totally free and in contact with Mother Nature. I will have that as a topic for another day.

On the hired bus, it was only lesbians.  The driver Sbo and her partner , Mpho  Manaka whom I continuously called Shoki after hearing her nickname being called. Only to learn later that its actually Shorty, with whom we exchanged conversations with. We had Bonny Tshabalala and her partner. Loved her sense of humor, you will never get bored with her.  She seemed always excited to share and comment. We also  had a couple namely Brown and her partner. I was so glad I met Lesego whom I have met during the Durban Pride. She is a DJ who plays beautiful music.   And there was also another tiny beautiful creature who sat next to Lesego. I can’t remember her name. I won’t bother you with the details of how we got there; expect noting that you pass many tollgates, and few petrol stations. And we came back with Chacha, who was so so cautious about our safety that she ended up telling the driver not down it anymore.

I liked that we had a full moon. I love the romance of glowing eyes in darkness offered by Mother Nature.   In darkness, I could see the mountains shapes not far from Ladysmith, due to the moonlight and I also could see the lonesome Camel Thorn Tree.  I could not wait to come back to see it on route back home during the day.

There is a jacuzzi  at the entrance next to the bar. I did dive into the Jacuzzi almost naked, on Saturday morning with Fenix some model chick who is a chef, and the young ones. Wished my hands could do talking under the water. And I was disappointed by those who dunk and soaked their feet at our expense, whereas they should have been naked with us in the water. Only came out when it hit me that some of us might have athletic feet. Lol

On Sat, we all congregated at the pool area not far from the bar where there was buzz and interaction, under a “woman made gazebo”. I wondered how much material had to be sewn together to get it to what it turned out to be. We had some beau strip dancing and teasing the whole afternoon on Saturday. Just realized that I am gay, when I watched tis naked with the trimmest female body take out her clothes in front of sex craze lesbians. I could not help feeling hot flushes. She must be very brave.    

 I liked DJ Mbali who played contemporary afro centric acid jazz and some world music. Beautiful. We had other DJ's including  some Indian DJ who took us through memorylane on songs like "Ke ba kadi botsotso" by Micheal Jackson and  some songs like "Frikka Fella". We also had live performance from two groups. Ok, I will sound racist for a moment. Black and white female artists performed in time.  Pardon me for being black I enjoyed the African ladies who performed. Their soundtracks sounded anything in between Jill Scott and Zahara. They have a debut album.  And peeps were lucky to get their autographed CD on spot. My only challenge was the DJ timing was bad. Very Bad. We had to endure serious pain of serene pop music, that I last listened at OppiKoppie in Potcherstroom many years ago.  DJ Lesego rescued us from pained ears around 01H00, we rocked it until very early hours in the morning. I watched Dulcy graced the dancefloor. I have never seen her danced in that way. Have been wondering if it is cos she is always at work at her  Open Closet club instead of dancing.

Why do lesbians in relationships still lust for other women, even when they know that they are in other relationship.

Why do lesbians in relationships still lust for other women, even when they know that they are in other relationship. Written by CNN

Your question has been one of the many questions that I have been pondering since I discovered my sexuality. I am from patriarchal relationships, you see.  I have dated a few women who have been with a handful of women, I also have one friend with whom we sat at the table where she has had sex with all six women. And proudly said she will have their partners too, if they are available. I had to ask her how she does this. Has she ever loved anyone before, or is she just a player by nature. Her comment was that clearly I am new in the game and I don’t have a gay friend. Until then she reserves her comment

I am from a family where values are the order of the day. I was brought up in an extreme Christian family where being monogamous is a norm, as a result I have always been a one woman woman. It felt right. I had to start joining my cousin brother to his gays parties so that I have a glimpse of the lifestyle of gay men, as suggested by my friend Bridge.

We went to the gay friendly club at Melville. Lo and behold, I have been naïve. There is no gay man who has not have had one, or all of them. And the truth is they are honest and prompt about their immediate needs. They like you now , they tell you, and have you right now.  And tomorrow they might pretend they never saw you, and no hard feelings. And when I asked him he said it is a norm and he is spreading some love. There was a way in which he said it, throwing his hands all over, like a gay man. Lol .  I translated it to be a norm.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

 I also have dated women who left me for others, at first I would be offended cos that meant  this womin  that I date do not understand my values and how I throw myself to the relationship, and also how they misunderstood my share of love. Worst was when we had an honesty day where she had to tell me that they had screwed half of the country.  I had to find myself intersexed without my permission.

My observation as to why we cheat is most of women I dated were never in a long term relationship, which becomes their trend later, subconsciously It becomes a standard way of life that by month fourteen, she is bored already. She unconsciously packs her bags and leave. She stops doing what she has been doing all along. Until there is nothing left to do. They seem to be looking for newness; to others it is as good as collecting trophies. So there is power in wanting and being wanted. I guess it is the shallowness at which they look at the relationships. And not bringing in the shared values into the relationship.

I also thought lusting is as a result of looking for what you think is lacking in your relationship. The composite theory suggests that we all have ideals that we are forever looking for in our partners. And cos we can’t find them in one person we are forever trying to find it in others. I would still love to meet a person who share her values with me, that we will be there for each other in a  sexual social monogamous relationship. Until then I am one of them

 Is it a wrong thing though that they can spread themselves the way they did. I have been single with needs to fulfill, and have had good sex with strangers, that I did not have to marry to have sex with. And some of them have partners. My comment was until I was part of the web, I could easily judge. And be angered by their behavior. I have learnt to normalize it. The difference is I am honest, have not cheated and have enjoyed my single status to date. And have welcomed compliments and secret encounters from your partners.

I did eventually go back to her after six years into my newly find identity, and she asked me, do I still think that I can honestly ask her the question about her sexuality and the choices of women she engage. My response was I could never say no to normality in an abnormal life. I hav actually learnt to spread some love tooo in an unloving enviroment. And I praying that AIDS does not find me in the process.

Is it natural for human being to be monogamous:

Is it natural for human being to be monogamous:

(This post is as a result of the question raised by Mfenekazi KaNdukuma of Friend Of the Closet, and I promised to respon)

Monogamy is defined as an exclusive sexual relationship between a female and a male.... LOL, for lesbians. It should read between female and female.  

 I will assume the premise of the question is about whether it is natural for humans to be monogamous, or is it learned cultured way of life. My approach was to look at the history of human and animal behaviour and form basis of my conclusion about the findings thereof.  Perhaps it wld be important to ask if there  is a kind of  animal that is set to be  sexually exclusive to the partners  forever.

 There have been behavioural researches have conducted the by zoologists/ biologists to conclude whether animals can be monogamous.  And  research also based on evolution, link human behaviour to that of homosapien and primates.

The findings were that monogamous pairs of animals are not always sexually exclusive. Many animals that form pairs to mate and raise offspring regularly engage in sexual activities with partners other than their primary mate. It is called extra-pair copulation, also know to be cheating to monogamists. Sometimes these extra-pair sexual activities lead to offspring. Genetic tests frequently show that some of the offspring raised by a monogamous pair come from the female mating with an extra-pair male partnership . Only 90% of bf birds engaging in social monogamy while only 7% of mammals were known to be socially monogamous instead of being sexual monogamous. The incidence of sexual monogamy appears quite rare in other parts of the animal kingdom. It is becoming clear that even animals that are socially monogamous engage in extra-pair copulation. I gapsed with such finding.

Further to that it also came out that there are other aspects of monogamy that can be defined as social monogamy referring s to two persons/creatures who live together, have sex with each other, and cooperate in acquiring basic resources such as food, clothes, and money. Sexual monogamy refers to two persons/creatures who remain sexually exclusive with each other and have no outside sex partners. Genetic monogamy refers to two partners that only have offspring with each other. Whatever makes a pair of animals socially monogamous does not necessarily make them sexually or genetically monogamous. Social monogamy, sexual monogamy, and genetic monogamy can occur in different combinations. Also a serial monogamist, who engage with one partner after the other in monogamous relationship.

With that in mind, are humans naturally monogamous.  We are mammals before we are human. It is presumed to many that we are supposedly born to be socially monogamous. In the history of mankind that has been wishful thinking about sexual monogamy than in reality.  History has confirmed beyond doubt how intersexed our society is.  Patriarchy culture, copied from our primate brothers promote that man could have as many female partners as possible for basic resources such  as sexual monogamy. Do we do it deliberately? No it is in our nature to be that, it can only be genetically imprinted.

LAUNCH FEATURE: DO LESBIAN RELATIONSHIPS WORKOUT

We have deliberated about the topics we would love to be the launch feature for the African Lesbian Blog. We wanted a topic that will feature ordinary lesbians. We wanted their stories to be heard by their friends, colleagues, and strangers, who might be interested in knowing about the realities in the lesbians’ community. Lesbian African Blog will feature real life stories, careers, parenting, fashion health issues affecting them . It is meant to educate entertain and share . 

 Join us on our launch issue as we cover a feature about real life story of Marshmello Butch Cadress and her partner who have been together for more than” eight glorious years” as she say it. We will share tips  on what has worked for them, what they are doing daily to stay in love…..