Why do lesbians in relationships still lust for other women, even when they know that they are in other relationship. Written by CNN
Your question has been one of the many questions that I have been pondering since I discovered my sexuality. I am from patriarchal relationships, you see. I have dated a few women who have been with a handful of women, I also have one friend with whom we sat at the table where she has had sex with all six women. And proudly said she will have their partners too, if they are available. I had to ask her how she does this. Has she ever loved anyone before, or is she just a player by nature. Her comment was that clearly I am new in the game and I don’t have a gay friend. Until then she reserves her comment
I am from a family where values are the order of the day. I was brought up in an extreme Christian family where being monogamous is a norm, as a result I have always been a one woman woman. It felt right. I had to start joining my cousin brother to his gays parties so that I have a glimpse of the lifestyle of gay men, as suggested by my friend Bridge.
We went to the gay friendly club at Melville. Lo and behold, I have been naïve. There is no gay man who has not have had one, or all of them. And the truth is they are honest and prompt about their immediate needs. They like you now , they tell you, and have you right now. And tomorrow they might pretend they never saw you, and no hard feelings. And when I asked him he said it is a norm and he is spreading some love. There was a way in which he said it, throwing his hands all over, like a gay man. Lol . I translated it to be a norm.
I also have dated women who left me for others, at first I would be offended cos that meant this womin that I date do not understand my values and how I throw myself to the relationship, and also how they misunderstood my share of love. Worst was when we had an honesty day where she had to tell me that they had screwed half of the country. I had to find myself intersexed without my permission.
My observation as to why we cheat is most of women I dated were never in a long term relationship, which becomes their trend later, subconsciously It becomes a standard way of life that by month fourteen, she is bored already. She unconsciously packs her bags and leave. She stops doing what she has been doing all along. Until there is nothing left to do. They seem to be looking for newness; to others it is as good as collecting trophies. So there is power in wanting and being wanted. I guess it is the shallowness at which they look at the relationships. And not bringing in the shared values into the relationship.
I also thought lusting is as a result of looking for what you think is lacking in your relationship. The composite theory suggests that we all have ideals that we are forever looking for in our partners. And cos we can’t find them in one person we are forever trying to find it in others. I would still love to meet a person who share her values with me, that we will be there for each other in a sexual social monogamous relationship. Until then I am one of themIs it a wrong thing though that they can spread themselves the way they did. I have been single with needs to fulfill, and have had good sex with strangers, that I did not have to marry to have sex with. And some of them have partners. My comment was until I was part of the web, I could easily judge. And be angered by their behavior. I have learnt to normalize it. The difference is I am honest, have not cheated and have enjoyed my single status to date. And have welcomed compliments and secret encounters from your partners.
I did eventually go back to her after six years into my newly find identity, and she asked me, do I still think that I can honestly ask her the question about her sexuality and the choices of women she engage. My response was I could never say no to normality in an abnormal life. I hav actually learnt to spread some love tooo in an unloving enviroment. And I praying that AIDS does not find me in the process.