Monday, 22 August 2011

Real life Stories: What future do you and your partner have together as African Lesbians?


Real life Stories:   What future do you and your partner have together as African Lesbians?

Preamble:

She could not wait to get home to tell her partner about the good news. She is finally pregnant. She had gone past the doctor to confirm the good news. They both wanted this child. They had day dreamt about it. It was going to be called Tisetso, as in to firm their relationship.  It would have brought more purpose into their lives. This is one child they both wanted to have. Okay, she wanted her more. Her partner Busi,  has a child that she got many years ago. Mpho is her name, she loves her to bits. She has known her for four years now.  She is a teenager who goes to boarding school. They both can’t wait for her to come home during holidays, to feel like a big beautiful family.

They have a beautiful home in Fourways, in a golf estate. It was bought by Busi, a year before they got married. Not all the family members attended the wedding. They are not so supportive of this lesbian status. Busi’s father is a Pastor and her brother is something serious in the church.  The family told her that it is her lifestyle that is not acceptable in God’s eyes. They won’t mind it as long as she stays far from them.  I imagine that as a reason for her to be that educated. She wanted to be far away from the parents.

Busi met Nthati when she has gone to the hospital accompanying her daughter Mpho who had flu, many years ago while she was doing her practical as a radiologist. They felt in love and have never been apart since that day as Busi defines her love for her. “She finishes my sentence; I get home to a warm soul. I am never cold with Nthati. I love her with every fibre of my being. ” And sigh.

They have a warm home, four bedroom house with four lounging areas a swimming pool, and entertainment area and the gym.  And a lots of seating outdoor areas, with a rose garden.  Busi is passionate about flowers. Last year when the flower bloomed, she had a candle dinner prepared for two, surrounded by scented roses at the glow of candlelight.  And they had each other nothing really mattered.

She got home excited, and looking up at where Busi normally parks the car. She is normally early on Tuesdays.  She had gone to Mpumalanga to present the Audit Reports and Recommendations. She has done this many a times, all over South Africa. And she seemed to enjoy every relationship she formulates with the clients. Nthati knows that Busi will always phone to say whether she will cross night  or she will be home later. For some stranger reason she has not called. Or if she did call, that was when she was in the consulting rooms. For some strange reason, she had a deep sigh of sadness that enveloped her………..

She has called her frantically as the sunset , twenty-six times to be precise. Little did she know that the night brought the worst news ever.  A visit from the police to tell her that she has passed on in a fatal car accident at Machadodorp.  Her life was about to change forever. No scream, tear ,pain could  console her .



They have been married for two years, who plans for a partner’s death in two years of marriage. Who plans for a partner’s death in a way.  Nthati’s parents don’t know that she was married to another woman. They have known Busi as her best friend, a friend who was there on her graduation,  a friend with whom they share a house. Nthati’s siblings know cos they have seen the two close the doors behind them. And only coming out to drink fridge water. She had met Busi’s family at the church when Busi decides on the place of worship; they have been to their house once for a barbeque and prayed for the food before the lunch. They sat in the lounge the whole time.

Nthati called her sisters to come to her house, and calls Busi’s mom to tell her to come through to the house immediately.  Upon arrival, the family had told her to go home to her family, that they will bury their daughter in their own way. She does not have a say. The house was in Busi’s name. And the two cars they both used. She was told not to see Mpho ever again.

The mother in law told her”, Unfortunately  your marriage certificate does not have  clutter or sound bites here. My daughter was my child too. I will bury here how I see fit. We never saw cows from you, and your family. And try to think this Nthati, there was no marriage, if there was it was not within the confines of  my culture.”

Lessons Learned

·          African Lesbians marry based on love mostly, without carving the path as to how they plan to leave together. Discuss your plans once settled.

·         Some stay together for 10 years without marriage and when they pass on, they are treated as no entity. South African Law protects cohabiting as long as you can prove it.

·         As soon as you get committed, have wills drafted, including how you will like to be buried.

·         They normally don’t go about planning insurance policies, they pass on without giving their partners comfort as it is expected from hetero couples.  Invite the insurance man.

·         Busi would have wished for Mpho to have a relationship with Nthati , if it means that much to your partner, get the adoption forms.

3 comments:

  1. yhuu,what a world we living in was it really necessary to treat the "poor" Nthati like a lifeless creature with no feelings...I wish no-one goes through such experience and that everyone of us should plan everything on time and not think about today only but also about the future. the "poor" Nthati like a lifeless creature with no feelings...I wish no-one goes through such experience and that everyone of us should plan everything on time and not think about today only but also about the future.

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  2. this is a true story dear. She could not fight the inlaws. The only thing she took away from the inlaws was her clothes. They were hovering over furniture and cutlery.

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